Yes I know I’m not an expect at this action,
Being in a wheelchair most of my waking life,
I’ve never strolled down the shops or the pub,
But other people’s walking is giving me strife.
I’m also aware you have had a lot of practice,
At this mundane and second natured action,
Most of you all have even mastered running,
Some for 26 miles, I don’t see the attraction.
You have walked everywhere in this old land,
Up steep hills and down the highest peaks,
Through thick thickets and wild windy woods,
Even down deep valleys and craggy creeks.
Each step on your life’s meandering journey,
You should learn to walk professionally,
Avoiding hazardous situations and stay safe,
Or taking emergency actions occasionally.
Teach yourself the laws of the pavements,
It’s a place of hidden danger and perils,
Erratic walkers with faulty warning lights,
Or old slow moving women named Beryls.
The Beryls usually walk in dangerous packs,
Slowly prowling the pavement in a line,
Blocking but staring out passing pedestrians,
With looks saying this pathway is mine!
Other walking menaces are out there now,
People who blindly walk round messaging,
Expecting others to clear a path for them,
I take emergency action leaving me raging.
I am a man who likes to move round fast,
I don’t waste time growing grass under me,
So if you have to dawdle move to the side,
Please don’t make me kick you in the knee.
Not that I’m a violent or grumpy young man,
If you follow the pedestrians unwritten code,
Our journeys would run or walk so smoothly,
And my internal anger bomb wouldn’t explode.
Should we introduce national walking tests,
Where the learner walkers can get certified,
A big red capital L on people’s back and front,
Would warn you of annoyances countrywide.
So to all the sudden stoppers and trundlers,
To the groups of giggling girls and bored boys,
Please think of all your fellow pavement users,
If you get in my planned route it really annoys!