The political poltergeist


Don’t call me a poltergeist if you please,

I don’t mess or push anything unlike most,

I love everything tidy and in its own place,

Also never ever call me a common ghost.


I am a ghost with the height of decorum,

Manners fit for the Queen’s banquets,

I roam the corridors of the utmost power,

My placement is as good as it gets.


My last work place was a total nightmare,

A student flat in Leicester’s Highfields,

It was bad I couldn’t rest in a bit of peace,

Constantly tidying the smelly minefields.


Yes I know I am no ordinary poltergeist,

I have never thrown a vase off a table,

I love my given domain clean and orderly,

I would even catch a vase if I was able.


I float about the house on Downing Street,

Passing politicians and dignitaries daily,

Listening to private conversations with ease,

Watching over priceless ornaments gaily.


But lately things have turned for the worst,

Members of parliament coming at going,

Place names on the mahogany table changing,

Rumours and gossip are constantly flowing.

Brexit this and Brexit that every damn day,

Faces contorted with pressure passing,

In a rush to get to the latest crisis meeting,

All this bad feeling continually massing.


Nobody stopping to admire the pretty lights,

On our festively bright Christmas tree,

Or the unique gifts from around the world,

All of them brought us so thoughtfully.


I even had to catch an old Chinese tall vase,

That Boris Johnson knocked on his way,

It was Ming dynasty and simply perfection,

Its lasted longer than him under Mrs May.


Even she’s been running around nowadays,

Wearing out her designer high heels,

Meeting secretly with her friends and foes,

Sealing the dodgiest billion pound deals.


Straightening rugs and wiping fingerprints,

These new cabinet members don’t care,

More interested with their phones nowadays,

I have O C D for tidiness, it’s not fair!


Going in and out with mud on their shoes,

No time to wipe their soles it seems,

Dragging in dirt and germs to their work,

I’m afraid this place no longer gleams.


I have put in a transfer request today,

I’m fed up with the work and stress,

I want to go back to the student house,

Number 10 is in too much of a mess.


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